John-Paul is my name but when I was in the 8th grade Tony Frederick's reduced me to two letters. JP. It's not so bad over here as an initial-guy. We do alright. We do what we can with the few letters we have. I wrote a novel anyone can read but don't unless you like Vonnegut, intense love triangles, and talking bugs. Might be wise to read my short stories first. There's one about the future (don't worry you'll be long dead before it actually happens) Another about an alien from planet nodan. Legs and Ravens is sweet because it's a story about me. Oh yah, and now I'm a copywriter. You can check out cool spec ads right here, right now. Or come back another time. It's really up to you.
Aliens are reaching out to earthlings.
They really want a whopper.
They will trade their spaceship. They will do whatever it takes.
SFX: Groovy tunes. 60s psychedelic. Think Janis Joplin.
DUDE WEARING A BK CROWN FLIPPING BURGERS. KARLA SLICES TOMATOES. THEY’RE VERY CHILL AND SWAYING TO THE TUNES.
THEY SEE A WHITE LIGHT OUTSIDE THE TAKEOUT WINDOW. DUDE OPENS THE TAKEOUT WINDOW. WE SEE HIM LOOKING UP. THE SWIRLING WIND BLOWS OFF HIS BK CROWN.
THE WIND BLOWS IN A POS PRINTED PIECE OF PAPER. DUDE READS THE MESSAGE OUT LOUD.
DUDE: “dear earth king. is whopper real?” Huh?
DUDE LOOKS CONFUSED. ANOTHER POS PRINTED NOTE BLOWS IN. STICKS TO DUDE’S FACE. DUDE READS THIS MESSAGE OUT LOUD.
DUDE: “dear earth king. we will exchange kosmojet for earth whopper.”
KARLA COMES OVER. LOOKS UP AT THE WHITE LIGHT. ANOTHER POS PRINTED MESSAGE FLIES IN. SHE READS IT OUT LOUD.
KARLA: “earth king. we r eager for real whopper with real tomato.”
DUDE HOLDS OUT A WHOPPER IN BOTH HANDS.
THE WHOPPER BEGINS TO FLOAT UP INTO THE LIGHT AND OUT THE WINDOW.
AN OLD LOOKING CAR KEY FALLS ON THE CASH REGISTER.
SFX: groovy tunes. 60s psychedelic.
FADE TO BLACK
Whopper. Real Earth Beef.
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